Katalin Pusztaszeri

You told me that this feeling I have been in for years now...is called solitude, but I must say that... this is not true... this is not fucking solitude... this is a CROWDED ISOLATION.

 

You live your life in the absurd chaos of present... imprisoned between six yellow walls, you are sitting on your own mind-garbage-heap in the middle of a panic room... four uninsulated windows shriveled by age simultaneously let the 60 km/h wind blowing to your face, from out- to inside... throughout the whole place... climate catastrophes are real... a big punishment for your shattered body. 

 

You have just managed to survive a row of tragedies, series of disasters. The fear and the psychosis are quite familiar guests in your life ...just like wormy creatures squirming under your skin...an unbearably slow torture day by day. 

 

Your central nervous system is an extra-thin line... taut like a bow-string ready for surrender, ready to tear apart... in any minute. You could not linger for ages. 

 

Between two acting outs you amuse yourself by checking mediocre art-pieces, reading lousy news on the Internet... as a personal entertainment... just for marking the time passing by, filling the empty minutes. 

 

The worst thing... you don't believe in anything or in anyone anymore.

You are not able to decide  what is true or false.

Who is authentic and who is a liar.

Who to rely on or from whom to ask help.

 

Against all odds... you are quite aware of what you need... your own private life itself, without any barriers. The only grip... your logic... or your presentiments (if any) that had been cheating on you for years.

 

Your SP (a translucent fragile membrane wall) in your brain overflows with aggressive non articulate thoughts begging for burst out, but there is not any person to infuse with your daily sarcasm.

 

You ultimately and irreversibly remained alone.

 

Do you see the pain-fear-anxiety edges in the triangle?

 

Draw a diagonal line from each edge to the sides...the point of intersection is your center, it is called SOLITUDE.